It’s always good to know how to comfort a friend or family member who’s feeling anxious or upset. Thanks to cellphones, we can even lend emotional support from far away. This is why it’s so important to know how to comfort someone over text.

    The best way to comfort someone over text is by using the RUOK Method. This involves recognizing the problem, understanding how to best help, offering a listening ear, and keeping the conversation about them. Implemented correctly, the RUOK Method can be used to comfort someone from anywhere in the world.

    If you haven’t heard of the RUOK Method before, don’t feel bad. This is actually a system that we’ve recently invented to help others comfort someone in need.

    Read on to become an RUOK Method expert at comforting someone over text. If additional resources are required, feel free to check out our  complete system for beating anxiety .

    Quick Tips for How to Comfort Someone Over Text

    Ask if They'd Like to Talk

    If you’re not sure how to best comfort a friend, it’s okay to ask. Maybe they could use some advice, maybe they just need to vent, or maybe they could use a hand around the house. Don’t guess; ask.

    Volunteer Specific Help

    Last year, my cousin was badly hurt in a hit-and-run accident. He required emergency brain surgery which left his parents and the rest of us emotionally drained and stressed out. While he was in the hospital, many friends of the family pitched in to bring meals over or order dinner for the family.

    These gestures went a long way. However, if these friends had merely said, “Please call me if you need anything” the response probably would have been something like “We’ll be okay, thank you for offering.” Don’t just offer to help. If you really want to make a difference, volunteer a specific kind of help and act on it.

    Avoid Using Clichés

    “Everything happens for a reason” or “It was just his time” might work on a sympathy card, but it’s terrible as a text to comfort a friend. You might mean well, but it’s likely the tenth time today your friend got that same message.

    Also, it can be a presumptuous way to apply your own worldview or religious beliefs to someone who may not find it helpful. If someone has just lost their child to a terminal disease, they probably don’t want to hear that it’s “All part of the plan.”

    Comforting Someone Over Text Using The RUOK Method

    Comforting someone over text can be similar to comforting someone in person on some levels.

    Ultimately, both scenarios rely on effective communication, empathy, and active listening skills. In both scenarios, your goal is to recognize and understand what your friend is going through, and then to help them resolve it.

    However, there are also some challenges when trying to comfort a friend over text. Without visible body language, we have to make an extra effort to show that we are actively listening. Messages like “I understand how you’re feeling,” or asking specific questions can help demonstrate active listening over text. While you can’t hug a friend or family member over text, you can show them how important they are to you by telling them directly.

    To keep the process of comforting a friend over text simple, I made the steps as easy to remember as possible. With the RUOK Method, we are effectively asking someone, “Are you okay?” (R-U-O-K). From there, we can figure out how to best assist them in calming down, cheering up, or feeling better.

    We’ll walk you through each step. Afterward, keep reading for even more specific tips on how to craft the perfect text to comfort someone in various situations.

    Step 1. Recognize the Problem

    Step one of the RUOK Method is to recognize the problem. This means identifying exactly what your friend or family is going through. Knowing what someone else is going through or how they are feeling is the first step to helping them.

    Potential reasons someone might need to be comforted:

    • They are feeling anxious, nervous, or fearful about something
    • They are experiencing anger or frustration
    • They’ve lost someone close to them and are grieving
    • They demonstrate or express in any way that they need some support

    If you’re not sure whether a friend, family member, or even a stranger could use some comforting or support – don’t be afraid to ask! A simple, “Are you okay?” can go a long way here.

    Sometimes it’s nice to check in with friends even when they seem perfectly fine. You never know what someone is going through internally, and simply checking in is always appreciated.

    Step 2. Understand How to Best Help

    Once you’ve recognized the problem, it’s time to try and understand how to best help. Maybe a friend reached out to you about something they’re going through, or maybe you reached out to them.

    Either way, it’s important to understand that people cope with their emotions in different ways. What works to comfort and relieve stress in one person may not necessarily work for the next. Some people may need a hug and a good cry, while others just want someone to bounce their thoughts around with.

    If you’re comforting a friend over text, you may know them well enough to understand how to help. If you’re not sure, it’s a good idea to ask them what they need or how you could best help. Personally, when a friend starts texting me about anxiety, frustration, or something making them upset, I ask outright how I can best contribute.

    One of my best friends and I will often text each other throughout the day. We have an inside joke that doubles as a system that works for us. If he sends me a wall of text about a frustration he has, I’ll ask, “Are we just venting, or looking for solutions?”

    This may sound funny, but it’s a valuable tool in any friendship or relationship.

    1. Venting – There are times we want to vent our emotions out, feel validated, and move on. No "logical solutions" are being sought here.
    2. Solutions – There are times when we want to work through a problem logically, be reassured, and find solutions. We're not just looking for "a shoulder to cry on" here.

    Both of these can be effective coping mechanisms, and each has its proper time and place. But using the wrong method can frustrate a distressed friend even further! Don’t be afraid to directly ask how to comfort someone effectively.

    Step 3. Offer a Listening Ear

    The only way to really help someone over text, or otherwise, is to make sure they feel heard. If you’re comforting someone in-person, this is usually quite easy. Body language like eye contact and occasional nodding can help signal that someone has your full attention.

    Demonstrating active listening can be a bit more complicated when comforting someone over text, however. With body language out of the picture, it becomes more important to occasionally signal that you are listening.

    We can demonstrate active listening over text by responding promptly and asking topic-relevant and appropriate questions.

    Step 4. Keep the Conversation About Them

    During the course of a normal conversation with a friend, we often shoot thoughts back and forth like a game of tennis. Normal conversation is usually lighthearted and quick-paced, and often bounces from topic to topic organically.

    When comforting someone, the conversation should look a bit different. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak or seek opportunities to make the conversation about you. “I totally know what you’re going through, something similar happened to me…” is usually not the best way to comfort someone who is venting.

    If you really wish to comfort someone, allow them the time they need on this topic of conversation. You will have plenty of other opportunities for jokes and light-hearted conversation. For now, just try your best to really be there and make this one conversation about them. It will be recognized and appreciated.

    How to Comfort Someone with Anxiety Over Text

    Knowing what to text someone with anxiety can go a long way in helping them stop an anxiety or panic attack. How can we comfort someone with anxiety over text?

    When your friend is feeling anxious, they’re often going to be having a hard time thinking logically. Especially during a panic attack, scary thoughts are racing by too rapidly for us to break them down and manage them.

    To comfort someone with anxiety over text, you’ll want to help take their mind off the worst-case scenario. Use the RUOK Method to figure out the best way to help. Most people who are feeling anxious will benefit from conversations geared toward positivity, logical thinking, and emotional distraction. Learning about anxiety will better equip you to help a friend who is experiencing it.

    (Gift Idea: Don't Panic, Do This! 100+ Ways to Stop Panic Attacks and Anxiety  helps readers learn over a hundred different methods for calming down and regaining control of their thoughts. I've given it to a number of my own friends and family members, and I think it makes a great gift!) 😉

    What to Text Someone who is Grieving

    Knowing how to comfort someone who is grieving can really help someone process their emotions and slowly move on in a healthy way. When someone is experiencing grief, the worst thing we can do is try and rush this emotion along. The best way to help someone who is grieving is to allow them to access and process their emotions in due time.

    Don’t rush a grieving friend through this process. Also, don’t feel the need to combat the situation with logic the way we might with an anxious friend. Instead, you might invite your friend to share some memories about their dearly departed. While it can be bittersweet, celebrating the life and memories of a loved one who has passed away can be helpful.

    What to Text Someone who is Going Through a Breakup

    Knowing how to comfort someone who is going through a breakup can be tricky. Relationships can be complicated, and these situations will vary based on many factors. Length of time and commitment to the relationship, having children or pets together, and the nature of the breakup will all play a role.

    In these situations, the RUOK Method can really come in handy. If someone has recently been cheated on, they may just really need to vent. If the breakup was more complicated than that, your friend might need some advice. As always, don’t be afraid to ask how you can best help.

    How do you comfort someone who is scared over text?
    20 Texts To Comfort Someone Who's Feeling Anxious, According To Therapists
    1. “I did a great meditation this morning!
    2. “I was thinking about you today and wondering how that (fill in the blank) went.”
    3. “What you're going through is so hard.
    4. “Wow, that's a lot.
    5. “Ugh, that sucks!!!”
    6. “Want to go for a walk with me?”
    How do you comfort someone who is sad over text?
    Here are eight texts to send someone that's really upset.
    1. I'm so sorry that everything sucks so much right now.
    2. Is there anything I can do?
    3. I'm in meetings all day, but let's talk on the phone tonight!
    4. Did you drink water and eat today?
    5. Sending a video of teacup pigs and a virtual hug.
    How do you comfort someone over text?
    10 Tips For How To Comfort Someone Over Text
    1. Call If You Can.
    2. Actually Send A Text Message.
    3. Be Honest.
    4. Make It About Them.
    5. Don't Say….
    6. Show Them You Understand.
    7. Offer Your Condolences.
    8. Consider Their Humor.
    How do I comfort my boyfriend over text?
    How to Make Your Boyfriend Happy over Text
    1. Send him a pic.
    2. Compliment him.
    3. Tell him when something reminds you of him.
    4. Ask questions to get him to open up about himself.
    5. Ask him for a recommendation.
    6. Open with something interesting.
    7. Tell him something about your day.
    8. Laugh when he makes a joke.
    How do you comfort someone over text when they feel lonely?
    1. “Whenever you need to call, I'm here.”
    2. “I wish I could be there right now.”
    3. “You're still in my thoughts.
    4. “Your family is lucky to have you through all this.”
    5. “Maybe I can't be there, but there's definitely something I can do.
    6. “Hey, get well soon.
    7. “You're doing a great job with a major responsibility.
    How do you comfort someone over text death?
    Examples of Mourning Texts
    1. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, praying for you, and grieving with you.
    2. I'm here if you ever need to talk.
    3. My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family.
    4. Can I bring you anything?
    5. I'm sorry for your loss.
    6. Just wanted to share my favorite photo of [name] with you.
    What was the first top text bottom text meme?
    The first memes to ever appear were the classic top text/bottom text on the picture in the mid-2000s. These were the simplest forms, as there weren't that many tools to create it back then. Top/bottom text memes were similar to the “One does not simply” or the Velociraptor meme. Rage comics were also popular back then. more
    How do you comfort someone who is stressed over text?
    25 Supportive Texts To Send Someone Who's Stressed Out
    1. "I'm here for you day or night, no matter what!"
    2. "Remember it's OK to take a break <3"
    3. "I'm at Trader Joe's.
    4. "I was just thinking of our road trip plans, and it made me smile :)"
    5. “Just remember how much you've helped me in the past”
    How do you comfort someone who lost a loved one over text?
    Examples of Mourning Texts
    1. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, praying for you, and grieving with you.
    2. I'm here if you ever need to talk.
    3. My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family.
    4. Can I bring you anything?
    5. I'm sorry for your loss.
    6. Just wanted to share my favorite photo of [name] with you.
    How do you comfort a sick person over text?
    Sometimes, a sympathetic text is the most comforting thing to send.
    1. "I just heard about your diagnosis. I'm so sorry you're going through this."
    2. "I'm sorry you're so sick! Sending good vibes your way 🌟"
    3. "I'm so sorry you're still feeling ill. I'm thinking of you!"
    How do you comfort someone with anxiety over text?
    1. . How to calm someone down over text.
    2. Validate. Don't put words in your friend's mouth but do let them know that they are being heard.
    3. ​Get consent.
    4. ​Offer options.
    5. Maintain boundaries.
    6. ​Don't be judgmental.
    7. ​Offer them support.
    8. ​"I am there"


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